An Art of Living – Day 1

We say we don’t want to make the mistakes our parents made. But even when we manage to avoid those, we make own own. One of mine was not believing that I was enough. 

April 27, 2019

All this talk about creativity – no as an experience/expression of being human, but as a means to make money, get attention – makes me sad.

I admit, maybe I am critical because I am failing at it all? Who knows.

But the view from down here is okay if I look straight ahead:

I have the luxury of the safety network of an old-fashioned job. I can pay my bills (if I can get off the Hedonic treadmill). My situation is becoming increasingly rare, and we have been brainwashed to believe that it is undesirable – definitively not sexy.

We believe for some reason that being an employee doesn’t come with enough “freedom”, or that being an entrepreneur leaves people somehow free from having to take other people’s sh*t.

My “day job” (as I have recently stopped calling it) is teaching teenagers who (understandably) believe that they would be failures if they wound up having a job like mine. 

But I am discovering that I can use my free time to actually disconnect from the time-is-money 24/7 network, and remember what writing was to me before all this noise.

April 11th, 2019

Exercises for Achilles  Finding comfort in discomfort. An involuntary but necessary slowing at the bottom of the staircase – attention to healing

April 10th, 2019

the birds are loud this morning a cacophony of disparate songs not always easy, not always like a pretty poem – even the thrush is contentious    

April 8th, 2019

To name God is meaningless. In all our attempts to create we only delineate. What we call our mind is inextricably linked to our body. And our body, mostly not what we have defined as our own. Birdsong is nothing without the air and an ear to hear it.

March 31st, 2019

I’m having a difficult time committing myself to a form for social media/online presentation. Loads of ideas, and little follow-through. I have to admit, I wrote more (and better perhaps) when I wrote offline with the conscious choice to not share any of it. I’m working my head around that … Continue Reading March 31st, 2019

May 23rd, 2019

It hovered just above freezing last night. Maybe that is a sign of spring. When I stop to consider, it seems as though I will never again feel the sun on my bare arms. It’s as though the moment has always been winter. Summer is so distant a memory, I … Continue Reading May 23rd, 2019

Dating: 18.03.19

Two days to the equinox. I can count it in hours now. As though it’s important. I ran under a blue sky this morning and could see the moss-covered tree trunks, the rings in the water. The dog ran faster than usual, and is now sleeping on the couch in … Continue Reading Dating: 18.03.19

March 12, 2019

I was reading an article that rebuked people for their “buffet Buddhism”. Which was interesting in light of the fact that the Dalai Lama himself recommends the buffet approach for Westerners. The article consistently and exclusively referred to Buddhism as a religion. It linked Buddhism with the belief in a … Continue Reading March 12, 2019

March 11, 2019

Over the past 8 years, I’ve become an early riser. Last summer a friend of mine playfully scolded me for my early bedtime. She said I was missing out on the beauty of the sunsets. Wasting the time. She sits on her balcony near the ocean and watches the sun … Continue Reading March 11, 2019

March 9th, 2019

Sunday rant on a Saturday: I am on my browser, using my home wifi. I am patiently sitting through an ad that precedes the trailer for a film coming to the cinema next week. This is normal. I’m paying to watch an ad to watch an ad for a product … Continue Reading March 9th, 2019

March 6th, 2019

Dear DLD, Yeah, so I’m going to do it: “I had this weird dream”. A stressful dream anchored in S.’s story at the dinner party last night – about the electric scooter with the warning label that it was not recommended for people over 50. I bought one. And I … Continue Reading March 6th, 2019

March 4th, 2019

Dear HXH. Playing with form again. Perhaps not the most productive way for me to work these days, but an old habit. Handwriting on unlined paper. Numbers and scratches for iambs and spondees. Illegible corrections. I pulled a book off the shelf. What made me think of you? I keep … Continue Reading March 4th, 2019

March 1, 2019

I am not a creature constructed for journal-writing. Is it odd that I am just now discovering this? I need to talk to someone. Living or dead. Part of me is concerned that this means I am defined by others. After all, we use one voice speaking to one person, … Continue Reading March 1, 2019

February 6th, 2019

I keep seeing myself in the center of the lake. On a still day, and everywhere is blue and quiet – except for where I am waving my arms about, thrashing my legs against imagined, deep threats complaining about the turbulent water. This is my morning meditation as my mind … Continue Reading February 6th, 2019