As someone who teaches teenagers, I’ve noticed over the years that one of the most telling signs of maturing is the ability to accept Consequences.
Probably because most of us, until the age of 15 or 16, are served consequences in the form of punishment (meted out by parents in an attempt to spare us real-world consequences), it takes time for us to learn to recognize the difference between the two.
As a result: Life is unfair. We blame our parents.
Where I teach, we mark absences each day. Somehow the system has evolved so that students can petition to have absences removed from their record. I find this whole concept baffling. Whether a student was present that day is no longer a matter of fact, but an indication of the student’s character. If they have a good excuse, history will report a falsehood so that they aren’t “punished”. Present or absent no longer reflects the information we might assume the words do. The argument is that if a student is in the hospital for a week, they don’t need to be “doubly punished” for their illness.
Life is unfair. We blame the system. Or beg the system to rewrite facts, instead of widening perspectives.
Life is unfair. Blame God. Or abandon your god. Because even when we, on the surface, begin to discern consequence from punishment, we still find it difficult to disassociate shame from a negative consequence.
Perhaps I should speak for myself: Most of the time I think I have this figured out.
I make choices. Sometimes with risks. And when the consequences are not ideal, I do know God is not punishing me. I know that.
So why then, still, these accompanying feelings of shame?
Still learning. And unlearning, in the face of facts.
Kelli is also the author the award-winning collection of poems, Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room (2010) Winner of the White Pine Poetry Prize chosen by Carl Dennis, Winner of ForeWord Magazine’s Book of the Year Prize in Poetry and a Finalist for the Washington State Book Award. Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room was also chosen as one of the 20 best books of poetry for the GoodRead’s Readers’ Choice Awards.
“Wild Common Prayer” from Earth by Cecilia Woloch (Two Sylvias Press)
“Self Portrait with Reader”, from Hourglass Museum by Kelli Russell Agodon (White Pine Press)
Original music and artwork by Karl R. Powell.
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Patricia Fargnoli’s poem, “Roofmen” from her award-winning book Necessary Light has long been a favorite of mine. I once read it aloud to a therapist who had helped me through a difficult time. (I don’t often force people to listen to me read poetry.)
When I first decided to do the This Choice podcast series, she was the first poet to come to mind. Patricia Fargnoli is also one of the few American poets I have been able to sit down to lunch with – many years ago in Vermont. After chatting on Facebook, we quickly discovered that a Skype interview wouldn’t work (for reasons that will become clear in the interview). Patricia graciously offered to do a written interview instead, using my standard podcast questions.
So without further ado:
Patricia Fargnoli served as New Hampshire’s Poet Laureate from 2006-2009, and is the author of six collections of poetry. She has been the recipient of The Sheila Mooten Award, The ForeWord Magazine Silver Award for Poetry, the NH Literary Award for Outstanding Poetry, and Mary Oliver selected her book Necessary Light as the winner of The May Swenson Award. A retired clinical social-worker, “Pat” has been a Macdowell Fellow and is a past Associate Editor of The Worcester Review. She has been on the faculty of The Frost Place Poetry Festival and its teaching conference, and has taught at the New Hampshire Institute of Art, for Road Scholars, and in the Lifelong Learning Program (CALL) of Keene State College. She currently teaches privately, and is editing a book a new and selected poems.
When and where did you start writing poetry?
I wrote my first poem when I was six, as a Mother’s Day gift to my mother who had died the previous year. I brought it to my Aunt Nell (who took care of me) and asked her how to get it to my mother.
I don’t remember writing more poems until high school, but Aunt Nell, who was a retired kindergarten teacher, read books and poems to me every night. My favorite books were the children’s poetry books:Silver Pennies, More Silver Pennies, and Peter Patter’s Owl. I read those poems over and over and knew some of them by heart. I also loved One Hundred and One Famous Poems. And asked especially for Eugene Field’s “Little Boy Blue” and others to be read over and over. So the rhythms and images of poetry were in my head from a very early age.
I began to write poems in high school (very bad poems) which would be published in the school newspaper. And, as a young adult, I took several adult ed poetry courses ….where I learned little. I didn’t begin to seriously write poems though, until my late thirties when I enrolled in a graduate poetry class at Central CT. State College with the Fulbright and Guggenheim-winning poet, Brendan Galvin. I repeated that class over several year, coming to know six other wonderful women poets who became my lifelong workshop-mates and friends.
It was during my time in Brendan’s class that I published my first poems in Tendril and Poet Lore. And I was hooked. I wrote and submitted consistently then but it wasn’t until I was 62 that Mary Oliver chose my first book, Necessary Light, as the May Swenson book award winner.
There is the great myth of the tortured artist. I once read that Anne Sexton was upset because Sylvia Plath beat her to suicide. How do you deal with the “romance” our culture has with the poet-in-pain–in terms of your identity as a poet and as a mother, father, partner, friend, role model?
I was becoming a poet as Sylvia Plath and Robert Lowell were popular so I was very aware of the popular idea of the poet as a tortured artist. I do think that, in order to write good poetry, one must have a deep inner-life. And sometimes, not always, that depth comes through painful experiences that both leave scars and open the poet up emotionally. In my case, the early deaths of my mother and father (my father by suicide), and my upbringing by people not my parents, surely left my mind open for poetry. My brother, though, who had the same experiences never turned to poetry. Moreover I have poet-friends who never experienced the losses I did. So perhaps it is some combination of experiences and hard-wiring in the brain and heaven knows what else….pure lucky chance perhaps…that leads one to be a poet. However it happens, poetry has truly blessed my life.
Are you consciously trying to shape the story of your life? When did you begin that conscious journey, and how does poetry play a part?
In my early adult years, I had no concept of having the power to shape my life. I fell into a marriage at 19 with a much older man who had a severe drinking problem. He had custody of his two children a previous marriage, we quickly had three children and I was much too busy and overwhelmed to consider “shaping my life.” It wasn’t until I got in Al-Anon in my thirties that I began to understand that I had choices. I chose divorce and from then on chose my life, working as a social worker with troubled teens, taking poetry classes, and finally going back to school for a Master’s in Social Work. I worked as a therapist for ten years until, again fate took over and illness forced me to retire. I chose, then, and continue to choose, to focus on poetry.
As poets we are continually exploring our sensual experience of the world. How does your relationship with your body, with your body in the world (interacting socially, with nature, through pain/change) affect your writing?
In that way, my poetry is inseparable from the influences of my body. In these later years (I am now 78), I have been challenged by a number of chronic illnesses: diabetes, fibromyalgia, for instance among others, as well as winter-depressions. Some of my work responds to these directly, but most often my poems search for consolations in the face of the diminishment due to aging. In the past several years, I’ve struggled with a severe loss of hearing. Even with hearing aids, I live in a world of muffled sound and missed conversations. This too affects my personal life and the poems I write. In addition, I find that, with age, my access to language, especially verbs and nouns, has decreased. I think that I am not alone in this. A close friend, in her 80’s is no longer able to write poems, Donald Hall, also in his 80’s says that poems no longer come, another friend compensates by writing haiku. I still write poetry, often struggling to do so, and perhaps not as well. But then I think of poets like Stanley Kunitz who wrote stunning poems at a late age and am encouraged to keep writing.
And vice versa. In other words, does the practice of your writing, your poet’s attention to the word, affect how you physically feel and interact with other people, with nature, through pain/changes in your body.
Yes, absolutely. A friend one said: “poetry is the spiritual center of my world.” and that perfectly captures its importance to me. Poetry fills my days, it is the vehicle by which I deal with and express pain and sorrow and also joy. Even sad poems bring me joy, the process of writing, while frustrating, also brings me joy. The connections I’ve made with other poets across the country even across the world sustain me. I’ve been lucky enough to be a mentor to a number of others; I have a thick folder of loving fan mails. My poems and my connections to poets and to poetry have given meaning to my life. I believe that we are here to find out what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. For years, for me, that meant helping people through psychotherapy. When illness made that no longer possible, I turned full-time (through writing and through teaching) to poetry. It is my primary reason for being.
What is your favorite poem? Can you quote a bit of it for me?
I have many favorites and it is hard to choose just one. But my favorites always seem to give me some sustaining lesson or some moment of beauty.
I would like to hold the slenderer one in my arms,
For she has walked over to me
And nuzzled my left hand.
She is black and white,
Her mane falls wild on her forehead,
And the light breeze moves me to caress her long ear
That is delicate as the skin over a girl’s wrist.
Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
And yet his torso
is still suffused with brilliance from inside,
like a lamp, in which his gaze, now turned to low,
Otherwise this stone would seem defaced
beneath the translucent cascade of the shoulders
and would not glisten like a wild beast’s fur:
would not, from all the borders of itself,
burst like a star: for here there is no place
that does not see you. You must change your life.
How has it (the poem, not the poet) influenced your writing, and your life in general?
“A Blessing” reminds me to look for and find joy in beauty wherever it is to be found. That to pay close attention to the world and the things in it is of utmost importance not only to writing poems, but to fully experiencing one’s life.
“The Archaic Torso of Apollo” especially the line “You must change your life” has been the guidepost for the life I have created in poetry. It is my constant reminder to keep poetry at the center of my life.
What poem of your own would you hope might influence someone else?
“Duties of the Spirit” from my book of the same name. It is about the loss, and grief and the importance of joy.
Thank you, Ren, for these interesting, thought-provoking questions and the opportunity to answer them.
I am grateful to Patricia for taking the time to answer the questions, and am looking forward to her new book! If you aren’t familiar with her work, do treat yourself: Necessary Light, Duties of the Spirit, Then, Something and Winter are all available through Amazon.
I saw this on facebook today and it seemed to lock into place something I have been thinking about this week.
I find myself nearly every week telling at least one hurting teenager that it does get better. That these are definitely not “the best years of your life” for everyone. I hated high school. Even college was a struggle. But I love my life now. Every year, things got better.
Except that, well, maybe they didn’t.
I saw a quote going around instagram or twitter or facebook – I don’t remember. And I don’t remember to whom it had been attributed either – as if that matters when it winds up as a meme on instagram or twitter or facebook. We all know Meryl Streep said it.
Basically, the quote was about how life doesn’t get better; we get better at handling it.
I’ve been lying to my students. Things get increasingly complicated as we grow up. The choices we make are more complex. We no longer only have parents and friends to consider, but children and careers, when making plans for our future, when deciding whether to post that photo on instagram or twitter or facebook.
There are bills. And insurance. And taxes. Pension plans and adult diapers. And office politics are as nasty as playground politics.
I’m not going to lie to my students anymore. I don’t think it helps them to think that they really are on the receiving end of all the world’s meanness. They aren’t. They are learning to deal with their little share of it. They’re learning to do it better.
Kelli Russell Agodon’s third collection of poems, Hourglass Museum, was a Finalist in the Washington State Book awards and short-listed for the Julie Suk Poetry Prize honoring the best book of poems published by a small press. She also the coauthor of The Daily Poet: Day-By-Day Prompts For Your Writing Practice. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, O, The Oprah Magazine, Prairie Schooner, New England Review, as well as on “The Writer’s Almanac” with Garrison Keillor’s and in Keillor’s Good Poems for Hard Times anthology.
Kelli is the Cofounder of Two Sylvias Press where she works as an editor and book cover designer, and is the Co-Director of Poets on the Coast: A Retreat for Women Poets. She lives in the Northwest where she is an avid paddleboarder and hiker. www.agodon.com / www.twosylviaspress.com
March 9th, Molly Gaudry
Later this spring: Richard M. Berlin, Tim Mayo, Cati Porter…
(also an upcoming This Choice: written interview with Patricia Fargnoli).
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