What it Means to Be in the Moment This Morning

There are days I feel broken. Worn so thin that I crumbled like an old rubber band someone dug out of the bottom of a junk drawer.

I always assumed the Beckett quote, “You must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” was from Waiting for Godot. I figured it was the clown with the bladder issues. Maybe the existential truth in this utterance requires no context at all. It is every story ever written.

This morning we were out of the house an hour later than usual. We caught the first blush of sunrise and passed four men out on their own morning run. We passed them twice actually, and the second time there was enough light to catch one of them smiling. He said, “God morgen!” a second time, and with such enthusiasm that my first thought was that he can’t possibly be Norwegian.

My second? That the other men in his company were psychiatric nurses from the nearby assisted living center.

I’m quite serious. This kind of extroverted greeting of a stranger is anti-social behavior in this region. And I began to brood on this, and then on my still-peculating fears for what is happening in my homeland. The hostility. The splintering of culture, the splintering of sub-cultures.

I keep thinking of colony collapse disorder. Adults losing the ability to navigate in the world.

This morning, counting on the exhalations: 1, 2, 3, 4. Relax the shoulders… I stopped to tie my laced that had worked loose, and I thought of Beckett and of recognizing the universal condition of human beings without cultural context.

Yes.

But there is also this:

“God morning!”
An unrestrained smile.

Context is always an understanding –
and always a speculation.

First thought is already
a rationalization
of the past.

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  1. About ten years ago I lived in Italy for six months. I loved the buongiorno or the buonasera everytime I passed someone. It made me feel I was there. I took this with me home, and it works. Only once out of hundred times, I’m regarded as someone who is out without my psychiatric nurses. Otherwise it results in smiles, good words, chats. And makes me feel I’m here.

    tir. 10. nov. 2020 kl. 10:24 skrev Ren Powell :

    > Ren Powell posted: ” There are days I feel broken. Worn so thin that I > crumbled like an old rubber band someone dug out of the bottom of a junk > drawer. I always assumed the Beckett quote, “You must go on, I can’t go on, > I’ll go on.” was from Waiting for Godot. I figured ” >

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    • Haha! I am trying to be better at it myself. The other morning I actually turned around and shouted good morning to someone that I had passed while in my own thoughts… so maybe actually this morning was THAT person reaching out to me and my nurse!

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