The 17th leg of the virtual Camino
I’m rethinking peace today. It is a very grown-up thing to desire, isn’t it? I mean, once you get beyond the “wishing for world peace” trope.
But I am not longing for peace and quiet. Not for peace as an absence of stimulation. Not peace as restraint.
But peace as something else.
Something rowdy and joyful.
Maybe peace is the sturdy framework for creative 
disorder?
I think of the fortunate children who are “at peace with themselves” – noisy as hell, but secure and daring.
I want that peace: that tether, or trust – the emotional security – that allows children to explore the top of the jungle gym, the scary cupboard in the garage, and the range of inhuman sounds their vocal cords can mimic.
I want a peace that is not still, not restless, but curious.
How about peace as freedom from expectations?
Peace as freedom from judgment…
Or at least from the fear of judgement. That one is up to me.
‘Or at least from the fear of judgement. That one is up to me.’
It is up to us, isn’t it?
I returned from 16 years living in Europe, only to find my people were still incredibly judgmental and quite narrow-minded. And, to fit back in, I contorted myself to fit the very small box – -marked failure. It seemed like it was the only option for someone like me. No mortgage, no home, no pension fund, no second car, no holiday home. My list of ‘failures’ is long, and there has been quite some tut-tut-tutting.
Coming to Fiordland helped. I was back out ‘in the world’, talking to people from all over the world, everyday. People who came from, or knew places, I had lived. And I started to fizz a little.
Then lockdown, with 7, plu a strange fizzled out ending, to my beloved summer contract. And my world was tiny, again. I was fortunate to be located in the midst of the most incredible natural world I’ve ever known and I feel like I’m waking again, with a cleaner, leaner version of which directions I want to head in.
Now for the balls/courage/confidence to do as I please 🙂
Let’s not fear the judgement of others. We’re big creative souls and we just have to be us … and at least we don’t have the monobrow and the crazy larger than life artist husband (and look how she was revered)
Kia kaha, Ren. Stay strong, because I have always and will always admire you and your beautiful ways xx
So beautiful and so beautifully written my dear friend.